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Today, we bring you a very special anthropological study that painstakingly details the bathroom finishing Ass while standing up of the modern American male. Warning: things here are Ass while standing up to get a bit hairy. Now, I have lived on this planet for 33 years and I have concluded any extended bathroom venture the same way: sitting down, toilet paper bunched in my right hand, reaching back and around my body and gently wiping upwards, balls to butt.

That's how Ass while standing up done it forever. That's how I'm comfortable. But a couple weeks ago, a handful of our readers mailed in declaring that they stood to wipe, which I found to be completely alien.

Now, reader Dave would like to point out that College Humor did a quick poll of this phenomenon ages ago. I found this breakdown to be shockingly even.

I never knew. Such is the insular and private nature of our world in the john that we can find ourselves stunned at such different methodology. Ass while standing up wanted to explore this schism crack? What follows Ass while standing up emails from many of our readers. Some stand. Some sit. Some do both heretofore known as being asspidextrous. I think you'll find their opinions to be quite eye-opening.

Let us begin. I wiped Ass while standing up as a kid then switched to doing it while sitting. Wiping while standing closes your asshole Ass while standing up prevents an even mediocre wipe. I had constant shit stains when I used Ass while standing up wipe standing, which is horrible for a kid whose mom bought him tighty whities growing up.

I Ass while standing up see that, but it would be foolhardy for you standers out there to Ass while standing up that sitting always precludes Hershey squirts. Take it from an expert skidmarksman and towel Ass while standing up bandit. I'm a year-old male who not only stands to wipe, but has never even contemplated any other form of wiping.

I had no idea there was any other way until I went to college and people would see me stand-up over the top of the stall I'm 6'4", the stall was roughly 5'10" and confused everyone. Apparently it's a New Jersey thing, as I did an impromptu dorm floor census of both sexesand everyone from Jersey wiped standing up. Ass while standing up only do they wipe standing up, because Ass while standing up also flex one bicep and kiss it while doing so.

Standing while wiping is the only way to go. One hand my left pulls my buttcheek to the side while the other cleans the affected area. It's flawless I think if I wiped while sitting, I'd end up with poop all over my arm.

I am 24 years old and, until today, had always wiped while standing. Then I had a nice leisurely post-lunch trip to the shitter at work, stayed on the john to wipe, and it was one of the most eye-opening experiences of my lifetime.

True story though not terribly interesting. Like many others, I've always stood while wiping, and it never occurred to me to sit. Don't know why; guess it was how I was taught. Last week, I went to my sister's for Thanksgiving, and her 2-year-old needed help wiping while she was changing her 6-month-old's diaper, so I was assigned duty.

I went in and told him to stand up for me to wipe, but he wouldn't. He looked at me like I was crazy. We stood at an impasse for a couple of minutes, until my sister finally showed up to find out what was the delay, and then Ass while standing up ahead and wiped him while Ass while standing up was still seated on the toilet.

I thought this was something special for the little'uns, the Ass while standing up while seated, until I read your column. And I'm a Pediatrician. Fernando will only give you a wowwipop if you wipe in the Isosceles stance. So I used be a stander, it never occurred to me to sit while I wipe I was just easier to stand. However ,I say used to be a stander because I have since converted to sitting.

A few years back I got a new job and at the company Ass while standing up worked for the gaps between the stall doors and walls was exceptionally wide, thus while standing to wipe I was basically showing dong for anyone walking by. I went to wiping sitting down. Now I am a sitter even when I am at home, I find I get better anus coverage and it also helps with dingleberries. So there you have it the tale of a stander turned sitter.

That's a good point to consider right there. You see how these habits end up mixing and matching? One positive has come from standing to wipe. Early in our dating years, my wife walked in on me as girlfriends Ass while standing up to do, goddammit whilst in mid-wipe.

I'll never forget that face. It was a terrible moment for both of us, but one of the best moments of our relationship as far as I'm concerned. She has never once, in the eight years since, come anywhere close to the bathroom while I'm taking Ass while standing up shit. Peaceful every single time. Now is where things get odd. So the girl was terrified to see her man standing up, which means she was obviously a sitter.

I'm assuming most of the College Humor readers polled were men. I'll bet you anything that more women sit to wipe, sitting having the greater share of asses, so to speak. In earlyI was on a ski trip with 6 of my college buddies in Vermont.

I accidentally walked into the bathroom Ass while standing up the house we were staying in right as one of my buddies was wrapping up a dump and wiping his ass.

I quickly exited, and went back to the living room where I promptly informed the other 5 guys what I had witnessed. How fucking weird is that shit!? As I was high as fuck at the time, this situation completely blew my fucking mind. I returned home and launched an investigation into the Stand vs. Sit question that has been going on for the past 5 years. I have talked to friends, friends of friends, random people at bars, etc.

I was, and continue to be, completely fucking fascinated by these results. Now, why the fuck would you turn around and face the toilet? You've completely abandoned the bowl at that point, with the bathroom floor as the only landing pad beneath your ass for stray material.

I also discovered the sitting vs. I was a stander, and it never occurred to me that sitting was an option. We polled our entire group of friends, and it was about a ratio of sitters to standers. Moral of the story, once I found out that sitting was an option, I switched. It was the greatest bathroom innovation of my life. Hands down, sitting is the superior option. You get to sit down for longer, with beats standing Ass while standing up day, and you definitely get a more quality clean.

Paul makes an excellent point there. Sitting is much better than standing in general. Who doesn't love a good sit? I call bullshit on the people who say they stand to wipe and didn't realize there was another way to do it. Do these people not watch TV or movies? Whenever there's a glimpse of someone shitting, they're always sitting, never standing.

In fact, the movies helped me to realize I was wrong, as I'm a converted stander to sitter myself. No one takes the actual shit while standing up. I used to stand to wipe my ass. The thought of putting my hand down the toilet bowl revolted me. It wasn't until I went to college that it dawned on me that standing up did not allow me to get every last piece of poop on my cheeks. I always wondered why my ass would be itchy about an hour later.

I don't know what the actual catalyst was, but once I started to stay sitting to wipe, I began to have a dryer ass and fewer shit stains in the boxers. I have not looked back. I know what he means by that ass itch. Never good. For as long as I could remember I stood up to wipe following a dump, I don't know why, I just Ass while standing up, and in doing so dealt with the annoyance of clumps, multiple wipes, drippage, etc.

Then, Indian model men nude some reason, call it curiosity, last Ass while standing up I started wiping while sitting, which clearly was the better way to go, albeit the weird stretch you have to do to get in there Ass while standing up the possibility of skimming the water is kind of tough. The main benefit however is that your cheeks are automatically spread way apart, so you can really get in there, even draw a little blood which is when you know you really wiped well.

This weekend a couple friends of mine tried to play a joke on me by saying I was weird for sitting on the toilet seat while pooping instead of sitting on the rim, and seeing if they could convince me that I was weird for using the toilet seat.

Turns out what gave them that idea was that one of them actually knew some Asian guy who didn't know what the toilet seat was for.


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