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It's not the brash, in-your-face stuff you might expect from the stand-up comedienne, more a low-grade fit of pique, as if we'd met somewhere before and I'd mysteriously offended her. She's coming to London for a single performance of her new one-woman show, Hero Worship, which she says is 'based loosely' on the events of 11 September. I ask, innocuously enough, how funny she feels she can be on the subject.

When I wonder whether she found it hard to separate herself from the patriotic sentiment that ensued, she tersely replies:'Well, I mean, not when you're obviously a thinking person - and an artist. My friends and people around me are Sandra bernhard nude fucking people There's something in Bernhard's face and tone of voice - the unruly mouth, the domineering nose, the sarky drawl - that makes you hear a tinge of contempt in Sandra bernhard nude fucking the most ordinary remarks.

When she smiles, which in this case is rarely, you get a glimpse of carefreeness, and the trademark gap in her teeth only contributes to the happy effect. She notes with some pride that her fans are probably scared of her, and the homepage of one unofficial 'fan-site' opens with the following dubious praise: 'Sandra is so fucking amazing and talented she makes me wanna cut myself! For the past 25 years at least, Bernhard has made a living from autobiographical jokes.

She has talked about her friends, her lovers male and female, her childhood, her religion, her abortion - all of it on stage, some of it on film or CD, a lot of it in books. Whether or not this persona is really her is clearly Bernhard's business, and any performer of that kind would want to draw a line between fiction and reality this is presumably the reason Woody Allen felt the need to be practically comatose in the documentary made about his life.

But Bernhard is so defensive on the matter that she refuses to confirm basic facts about herself; she contradicts what she has said in the past and slips through every question she thinks looks anything like a net.

This is how she begins our discussion of her stage self: 'Well, yeah, a lot of it is based on real experiences and some of it walks that fine line of ambiguity that makes work interesting.

My work has always been ambiguous to a certain extent. I've never done anything "autobiographical" per se; I mean, if I actually sat down to write a book about my life and it was real, I think I'd probably stop halfway through and tear it up. I want to have fun with my writing. I never want to take it to that place of self-pity. Bernhard is insistent that she never reveals anything more than she feels she should. And yet she acknowledges that she has come to represent certain things to people, by being apparently open about her life, or about sexuality, or just by being an iconoclastic woman.

Whether she likes it or not, she has taken up a cultural position and people imagine Sandra bernhard nude fucking as a certain kind of figure. Do her fans sometimes Sandra bernhard nude fucking they know her? Of course, I am who I am. I'm not trying to be some, like, deflection - and confuse people. She could, I'm afraid, have fooled me.

But, to be true to Bernhard's take on herself, I'll tell you what I think I know about her, from her own ambiguous accounts. Her father was a doctor; he smoked Kent cigarettes and learned to hypnotise his family using some records he had sent off for by post.

Her mother was an artist. They are both still alive, and they divorced after 38 years of marriage. As a child, Sandra would swear every obscenity she could think of all the way to school. When she got there, she was teased for being tall and thin and strange-looking. Sandra bernhard nude fucking grew up listening to Mick Jagger and reading Jacqueline Susann, and once thought she had brain damage because she'd been playing with paper glue and could no longer remember the words to songs from Broadway musicals.

At Sandra bernhard nude fucking, she went to a kibbutz in Israel, and was followed there by a boy named Daniel Chick, who she spurned, and who died many years later of Aids. At 19, though her parents wanted her to become a dental hygienist, she went to Hollywood. By day, she was a manicurist in Beverly Hills; by night, she did stand-up routines in clubs. Two years later, she was given a small part in the TV comedy The Richard Pryor Show, and in she played a crazed, gun-toting, kidnapping comedy fan in Martin Scorsese's classic film, The King of Comedy.

I ask her if she was really a fan of that film's star, Jerry Lewis, and she says she was, of all things, 'very intimidated by him They must have made quite a pair. By then, Bernhard was making a living doing stand-up in Los Angeles, and before long her one-woman shows were on Broadway. She knew early on that she was attracted to both men and women, and is still - due to her shows, and to a much-publicised but allegedly fictional affair with Madonna - the most famous bisexual performer in America.

She volunteered to pose naked for Playboy, covered in gilded make-up and stroking herself. She is now the Sandra bernhard nude fucking mother of a three-year-old girl named Cicely. She lives in New York but has a house in LA.

She favours Palmolive washing-up liquid, has been known to extol the virtues of patchouli oil Sandra bernhard nude fucking cleaning, she once quipped, is the secret Escort i solna massage i eskilstuna her success. Bernhard has an apparently insatiable vanity. She once described Mick Jagger as 'the rock'n'roll equivalent of Sandra Bernhard' not the Sandra bernhard nude fucking way roundand some years ago told Vanity Fair: 'I'm getting what I want, and what I deserve.

I am becoming an icon. While there's always the possibility with Bernhard that it's ironic and intentional, I'm not convinced that she's secretly self-effacing. When I ask her if people Sandra bernhard nude fucking ever had a problem with the fact that she does a number of things - singing, acting, stand-up - she explains that no one has, because she's just like Shirley Maclaine, Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Sandra bernhard nude fucking. Look at Barbra Streisand, she says: 'She had a cabaret act, she did Broadway, she did movies.

The only difference is, I think, I'm a little more, you know, creative. And so we move on to the unexpectedly thorny question of her sexuality. There's a story in Confessions of a Pretty Lady about her father successfully curing someone of being gay.

Though Bernhard, as I now know, would like the book's contents to remain unexplained, I think it's OK to ask her if this story is true. Bernhard looks down at her iced tea. How did her parents react when she came out to them? I remember a line from her film Without You I'm Nothing: Sandra bernhard nude fucking and you can pretend you're straight. Goodnight, Calvin, Bianca, Andy! Is it that she likes to keep Sandra bernhard nude fucking guessing?

I suggest. I don't care. It's not about that. It's simply not anyone's business. I understand her need to keep her private life private, I tell her, but isn't her evasion betraying those for whom she Sandra bernhard nude fucking become something of a representative? And that is across the board. I don't wanna be the gay icon, I wanna be the icon of humanity and, like, love and real emotion. Bernhard calls the waitress over.

The waitress ignores her. Sandra bernhard nude fucking shrugs. I wonder if it bothers her that her relationships with model Patricia Velasquez and nightclub owner Ingrid Casares have been written about, then. It's not. I ask her if she was neurotic as a child, since she once wrote a story about a potentially fictional period in her childhood when she would pack her own lunch, fold the brown bag over and over, staple it, seal it with tape and watch it until lunchtime, when she inspected it for signs of tampering.

If she saw anything untoward, even a tiny hole where a needle might have been inserted Sandra bernhard nude fucking poison, she threw her lunch away. Eventually, I mention the 'M' word. She says they 'haven't hung out or been friends for 10 Sandra bernhard nude fucking, so there's nothing really to say'.

But I've heard it said that Madonna took things from Bernhard stylistically, and I wonder what exactly those things were. I guess she wanted to be a Ugandan nude naked photo hipper, or more street-oriented, or comedic' - note she doesn't mention bisexuality here - 'and she might have hooked up with me because that's what I represented.

Now she's hooked up with what's her name, the actress The one who's over in London now, doing a play as well That's kind of her inspiration for certain friendships. Sandra bernhard nude fucking I actually admire her, you know, in today's landscape of performers she's certainly as a pop icon she's more talented than, you know, Britney Spears.

This summer, Bernhard is the poster girl for a new MAC cosmetics campaign. The ad features Bernhard looking very Seventies in a powder-blue hotpant bikini, with her bust jutting artificially out from under an open denim cut-off shirt. The make-up range includes a frosted, baby-pink lipstick named after her 'Sandy B' and Bernhard's own camped-up beauty tips are posted on the MAC website: 'You've got to do a LOT of skin control in the summer, or you can lose change in those pores.

Did the woman so often described as jolie laide always envisage herself as a glamour girl? I certainly think the world always needs glamour. It makes people aspire to have beautiful things - the world should be beautiful, so if I can add a little bit of that, I'm happy to participate. For a while, I ignore this invitation to leave, but eventually Bernhard tells me she has another interview coming up, and says she needs a break in between because - though you might not expect this of a long-running first-person cabaret act - 'It's not fun to talk about yourself so much.

She gives me a bitter little smile, indicating Sandra bernhard nude fucking triumph of her evasion: 'I think I've Sandra bernhard nude fucking a pretty good job. Don't you? Why not? Topics Sandra Bernhard The Observer. Reuse this content.

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